Forgiveness is a common word in the lexicon of spiritual seekers and teachers. I find it to be quite misunderstood, and yet it is the most powerful thing that we can do, especially for ourselves and certainly for others and the world. If, and this is a big if, we know how to do it and allow ourselves. For so many years I thought I was doing it, only to discover I was eluding myself.
Such a simple word, yet it is layered with meanings that can change your life. So needless to have to learn lessons in even a more difficult way. When truly practicing this forgiveness, we become aware, really, the truth be told and understood, of an inner peace and understanding such as you have never felt before.
One of the most difficult and challenging things for me to do has been to forgive myself for things that were only a result of doing the best that I could do at the time. They weren’t even horrible things, but they blew up in my mind and as a result, I was bogged down with heavy, toxic, ego based thoughts and I was forever trying to erase them in my mind. Yet, I knew deep in my heart; that I truly did not deserve the punishment that I was trying to heap upon myself. And yet, there they were, constant reminders of the past.
In my own experience, before the act of forgiveness is sincerely given or received, one must be able to be cognizant of the painful life experiences that we have either allowed or have been subject to, for we created them! That is, not to blame ourselves, but to release in order to grow.
As someone who was afraid to speak my truth for many years, various harsh situations and people appeared as mirrors to reflect to me, what I was not able to see, feel, or understand about myself. And on top of being unable to express myself, I buried these experiences and pretended that they did not exist. Only when things became unbearable and an Angel sat on my bed one evening, did I pay attention. The guidance was that my life was about to change in a very big way. And even that was just a catalyst, for there were many years of healing the past that were to come and even to this day, still come. It is paramount to be able to come to terms with the hurt and the rawness of the emotion, and who or what may have caused it. Then the realization of what we were being taught begins to dawn on us. This is an opening, a window of opportunity to benefit from it and teach others what you have learned. And as a spiritual and former public school teacher, I know that there are many ways to teach and learn, but the most profound is from example and by example.
Forgiveness cannot be forced, nor can it hurried, but through energy healing or other types of healing art or therapy that one resonates with, and a willingness to open the mind and heart to see beyond the situation in the physical world, inner peace can prevail. Gaining a true understanding of the meaning of an experience, one's vision becomes less skewed of themselves so as to be able to see with different eyes what our particular life experiences are trying to tell us.
Forgiveness to me means looking, really staring into the depths of ourselves and at the people and situations that hurt us. Allowing and unveiling the truth of our experiences, brings the pardoning of ourselves, for whatever we feel we could or should have done differently. It can be the most challenging and the most rewarding of our personal endeavors.